Sunday, January 11, 2009

HEY, BILLY MAYS...PUT A SOCK IN IT!


I don't know if you share my total disgust with TV Pitchman Billy Mays or not. His shrieking grating voice is worse than fingernails on a blackboard...worse than a dog barking non-stop from dusk to dawn, worse than changing a full church nursery's worth of poopy diapers....well, you get the idea of my dislike for this guy. I think his voice has been affected by years of putting black Shinola on his hair. Maybe it was from the time his Mom threw him out of the house and he landed on the top rail of the backyard fence. I cannot tell you for sure what this annoying little man is trying to sell us. I have seen him pull 18 wheelers, peer down inside toilet bowls, fix scratches on cars, hang a lightswitch randomly on any wall, and sell some kind of hooks you screw into your wall which will hold 500 pounds. I read somewhere that Billy honed his skills on the boardwalk in Atlantic City selling a WASHMATIK portable washing machine. I bet people could hear him from one end of the boardwalk to the other. I understand that he lives in a million dollar plus home and has a Bentley in his garage. Never underestimate the power of obnoxious in the sales business!

Oh yes, I did buy those little wire hangers that hold 500 pounds. Surprise! They do just that. However, I didn't send my money to Billy - I bought mine on EBAY!

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