A LIKELY STORY.....

(GATHERED FROM THE DAILY NEWS TO HELP KEEP YOUR MIND OFF WHAT IS REALLY HAPPENING IN OUR WORLD)
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Man who fatally shot wife claims he was aiming at family dog
Brant Bater, 61, contends the dog was acting aggressively. It was his 61-year-old wife who got the bullet, though.(KTLA, Los Angeles)

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Man with rotisserie chicken in his pants arrested at Walmart
Chicken wings, a mouth guard and two toothbrushes were also stuffed in his trousers. (Rome News-Tribune)

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Priest busted for DWI offers to have sex with police officers

The man of the cloth also exposed himself while in the jail cell and asked the booking officer: "Is there anything on the form about your eyebrows? Because they are gorgeous." (Um, flattery won't get you sprung from jail, sir!) (Cleveland Plain Dealer)

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Drunk, naked woman arrested for throwing stones at people

She also threw her teeth into a canal. Witnesses said the woman cursed at three men, threw rocks at the men, pulled her clothes off and threatened to beat them up. The 46-year-old woman then tried to break a light and wooden fence. (Naples Daily News)

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Wife cuts crotches out of pants of woman vacationing with hubby

The married man and his female companion returned from a week-long vacation together and found a suitcase in the driveway of his home. Inside it, her clothing was riddled with scissor cuts in the crotch area. About 10 pieces of clothing, valued at between $1,500 and $2,000, were damaged. (TribLocal.com)

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Woman, 51, arrested after mooning high school phy. ed. class

She allegedly pulled down her panty hose and exposed her butt. Students cheered and whistled, says a witness. (TCPalm.com)

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Online crowd casts votes for Harry Baals Government Building

Still, Fort Wayne's deputy mayor says naming the building after former mayor Harry Baals was "probably not" going to happen. "We're not going to make any decisions that look bad." (Fort Wayne Journal Gazette)

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....and in THERE IS HOPE FOR ME YET CLASS....

Cops arrest 70-year-old woman for prostitution at "health spa"

Elaine Pyzikiewicz has worked at the spa for four months and has a state massage license in her name. She apparently offered "happy endings." (HeraldTribune.com)

---and a warning to Max the Dog who snores me to sleep every night....

Woman who killed peacock with baseball bat "just lost it"

The 70-year-old woman testified at her trial that before the incident she had not had a good night's sleep for months because of constant squawking from peacocks outside her condominium. (Honolulu Star-Advertiser)

You heard it here first. Maybe not.