RANDOM GROSS THOUGHTS FOR SATURDAY...

#1

Dust bunnies are, of course, the harmless little bits of fluff that accumulate under furniture wherever we live. Seldom noticed, though often known about, these rather harmless little creatures exist in many places. If allowed they go straight from "just cleaned the place" to "hibernating dust bears" with no small cuddly dust bunny stage in-between the two. Hibernating dust bears are fine, until you actually need to clean. Then, of course, you run up against the "do you really want to wake the dust bear" problem. Naturally, I recommend leaving the dust bears alone in their natural Habitat. Who knows what a dust bear will do once woken? If the dust bear is allowed to complete its hibernation, it will again evolve to the final form. The final form is the dust devil. These are no longer harmless bits of fluff, nor are they sleepy. These are dangerous balls of accumulated flotsam that can threaten a household. Ever wonder if the monster under the bed is real? Well, it is and it is a dust devil. They have a taste for small children and pets, they leave obese residents alone. There is only one known cure for a household infected with dust devils. Dynamite is guaranteed to remove all traces of the dangerous creatures. Unfortunately, it will also require the rebuilding of the house itself, but is absolutely necessary if the house is infected. From Wikipedia: Quietly lurking within those dust bunnies under our beds, inside sofas and carpet are creatures too small to see without a microscope or strong magnifying glass. Dust mites are arachnids, the class of arthropods which includes spiders, scorpions and ticks. Dust mites feed on dead skin that sloughs from our bodies (and probably potato chips & cookie crumbs). They live their whole lives in dark corner dust bunnies: hatching, growing, eating, defecating, mating, laying eggs.
It's their bathroom habits that make us itch and wheeze. Many people develop severe allergies to dust mite droppings. Lie on a rug where they live and you might get itchy red bumps on your skin. Breath in dust and you may have more serious symptoms like difficulty breathing or even a severe asthma attack.

All I can say is ewwwwwwwww!!

#2
Mucus is by far the most abundant substance secreted by mammals...4 liters a day. Not to be gross - well, I guess theres no way to avoid it - here in our house you could double those figures and say 8 liters a day are being manufactured. It is one of the most annoying phenomenons of the winter season.

#3

Without mold, we would find ourselves wading neck-deep in dead plant matter. And we wouldn't have great foods and medicines, such as cheese and penicillin. However, problems arise when mold starts digesting organic materials we don't want them to, like our homes. Specifically like my bathroom.

I confess that the yellow duckies on my rubber bathmat are showing a black outline on their plump little bodies. I have read that a vinegar-citrus spray mixure will do the trick but I'm inclined to bleach the heck out of the whole room. Maybe tomorrow.

#4

An ad from Craigslist: "Think Your Carpet is Too Dirty to be Cleaned? NOT IF WE CLEAN IT! Embarrassed about having company over because of your dirty carpet? ... Embarrassment about your dirty carpet STOPS here and now! ..."

Yes - I WAS planning to have a dinner party for 100 or so of our very best friends BUT...alas - no can do. I am much too embarrassed about my dirty carpets. Maybe some other time.

#5

We have a problem with moles in our yard. You can easily tell because when you walk on our lawn it resembles a washboard. Some areas are soft and squishy , others are mounds. As fwith any other life question I consulted the internet. And here is a swell cure-all plan which has been presented:

1) I've found that if you have a dog, it will come in handy:

Grab a stick from the yard and carefully prod the mound to find the hole to the tunnel (make sure you don't collapse the hole/tunnel). Once you find it, burrow your stick in to clear the tunnel of any debris. Take a paper towel and grab some fresh dog poo, and then cram that into the tunnel as far as you can. The moles don't like the smell and tend to go somewhere else.

2) I've read that putting some human hair from your hair brush into the tunnel using a similar method to the above also works as they are deterred by the smell of humans.

3) A dilute mixture of castor oil and water or pee and water (either human or dog) spread along the yard may also cause them to want to look somewhere else to dig since they don't like these smells, either.

All of the above point to....er....uh....yes - I'm afraid to type the words...SPRING CLEANING! I'm grabbing my calendar and penciling it in.