WITH HUMILITY I ANNOUNCE THAT I HAVE WON THE NOBEL PRIZE FOR MATHEMATICS....

It will come as quite a surprise to you as it did to me, that I have been awarded the NOBEL PRIZE FOR MATHEMATICS! Imagine my shock when the phone rang in the early morning hours, waking both me and Pat out of a sound sleep. Pat handed the phone to me and said "It sounds like someone with a funny accent". The funny accent turned out to be Gunnar Swenson, chief of the Nobel Prize Awards Consortium. After some back and forth and translation assistance I was ASTOUNDED to learn of my being awarded the NOBEL PRIZE for my work on INTEGERS AND HOW THEY RELATE TO THE U.S. STIMULUS PACKAGE. Now I have to decide what in the heck to do with my million dollar windfall, not to mention what to wear to the award ceremony.( I was told no cleavage which greatly disappoints me and limits my wardrobe choices.)

There are some who may think me undeserving of this Prize since I never got above a D in any mathematical course work. It was explained to me - and therefore I can pass the explanation on to you - that the award was given to me for what I MIGHT accomplish in the future!

If I get my check before the ceremony, let's ALL go! What do you say?
Party DOWN in Norway? I am looking forward to sharing the stage with so many other deserving recipients!

****Just as an aside I hope no one re-reads Nobel's will where it clearly states that the Nobel PEACE Prize should be awarded to the person who:

“ during the preceding year [...] shall have done the most or the best work for fraternity between nations, for the abolition or reduction of standing armies and for the holding and promotion of peace congresses.[1] ”

I will get back to you with flight times.....