"MRS. SKINNER, WE HAVE THE RESULTS OF YOUR IQ TEST....."

...and let's just say that I have placed somewhere between plant life and a sea slug.

Pat can concur with those findings based on my TV viewing patterns during the last few months. My entertainment schedule starts on Sunday with BIG LOVE on HBO...I am hooked on those polygamous Hendricksons and their wild and wonderful life. My favorite is Marjean. I am rooting for her to make big bucks with her home shopping sales and get the heck out of there.  On Monday I am groaning over Jake's choices on THE BACHELOR.  I loved Gia's comments last week that Jake was "so deep". Gag me with a spoon. I doubt she would know deep if she were up to her knees in it. And what is the attraction with Venice or whatever her name is...she looks like she should be running a tacky beauty salon on the Jersey Shore...so as of now I am rooting for Mr. Six Pack to fly into the sunset without any of them.  I have recently discovered a series of shows that are low-life and lovely!  The first of these beauties is I'M SIXTEEN AND PREGNANT. I have watched children have children. They fight with their Moms, storm out of their parents homes to party and leave the kids with good ole Mom. Their Baby-Daddies are pretty much worthless and end up out of the picture. Moving along, there is I DIDN'T KNOW I WAS PREGNANT. To this I say WHAT????  I have had 4 babies and I sure knew I was pregnant in that ninth month...feet poking my bladder, butts and heads rolling from one side of my belly to another. Not these women. They wake up in the night after a game of soccer and have "cramps" and before they could figure out what was happening they were giving birth on bathroom floors, in toilets, cars etc. Most of them say they don't have a CLUE how they got pregnant. That noise you hear is me, laughing hysterically. The next of my intellectual gems is I AM ______ AND PREGNANT!  You can fill in the blank according to the episode. The choices might be OBESE, IN JAIL, 56, A DWARF, etc....fascinating, mind-numbing stuff!  Pat often asks "Who watches this crap?" and now he knows the answer. His wife.  He is still watching the History Channel so at least one of us will have their faculties in the future!