SELLING THE FARM FOR BABY STUFF

I know I am older than dirt but I was lucky enough to have my last baby when I was 45.  And the one before that when I was 43 (and the two before that when I was 28 and 31).  There are many differences in equipping for a newborn NOW than THEN.  When Fritz was born, he was carted around in a plastic seat that had a little plastic strap with clear balls on it for his safety and amusement.  Jason inherited the same seat. I held them on my lap in the car without a seat belt on - I don't believe the Corvair even had seat belts!  We moved up to a VW wagon that did have seatbelts and also to a car seat that you plunked on the seat and put the seat belt over it. Miraculously and thankfully they all survived.  They endured the net sided playpen. Hated it, but endured it.( On the other hand Pat tells me of an occasion when Robin as a baby was hanging by her tooth on the net in her playpen!)  I believe we had a bouncy chair, sort of a sling arrangement - and we had a bouncy swing that hung on the doorframe. We also had a Toys R Us stroller for $29.99 and that was the extent of our baby stuff.

We have had the joy of arriving grandchildren over the last few years - and each year the baby stuff on the lists grows in number, complexity, wonderfulness - and price.  For example, the newest car seats hover in price around $300. These are the ones that are "approved" by some clandestine safety group. They are bolted to the car frame with 5 inch wide iron bolts, hugged to the seat by the seat belts thredded though, and then the baby is snapped into a harness, their wee heads cradled by a soft protector. They cannot move if they want to. But they can move their eyes from side to side which is great because there are toys attached to the windows that spin and sparkle.  If baby is lucky, his car seat can be removed and placed right into a stroller ($299).  Otherwise Mom or Dad carry the tot into the store by the handle - sort of like an oversized handbag.  I have seen parents, especially Dads, carrying these kids in such a way as to make even the baby with the strongest constitution have bad dreams for a lifetime. Watch them as they go through a door! WHIPLASH CITY!

I remember trying to sneak into my babies rooms to make sure they were covered or hadn't spit up. Now they have full-on video monitors that work day and night. You can clip the portable monitor on your belt (if you can still wear a belt after giving birth) and wherever you are...there is the baby on the screen. ($200).
On every new parent's wish list is a cradle swing.  I think someone loaned me a swing once but everytime it stopped I had to wind it up. It made such a loud noise that it woke up every baby in a one-mile radius! The Fisher Price swing ($180) PLUGS IN, plays 16 songs, vibrates, swings in two directions, has doodads hanging, and also plays a sparkly light show for the little person.  I am surprised that they don't include a tiny controller for the baby to select the music of choice. Brahms? Nah. Gimme some of those top ten tunes!

I had a plastic diaper pail with a lid. New parents have these diaper wizards for $50. Not sure exactly what they do but they are good! I had flannel receiving blankets that I wrapped my babies up in like an Indian papoose. Today's babies have SwaddleMe's with velcro tabs. ($20). They are prisoners of love! .

There's more: Bumbo chairs, wrap-around nursing pillows with pockets for books and TV clickers, breast pumps that rival the technology at Old MacDonalds-not those rudimentary ones from the old days. There are "organic" clothes and Designer crib bedding. Gucci and Coach diaper bags. Little "beds" that attach to your mattress and have a night light - no worries about rolling over on your heir or heiress.

It's a new world out there!  I wish I could have a do-over!  I REALLY do!